I Like Walmart

Needless to say, this is probably the most useless blog ever written. As with my previous posts, I would advise you to stop reading right now. So you’re being stubborn, I see. Very well then. If you actually need help wasting time on the internet, I send you my condolences, since it is probably the easiest conceivable computer related task. Nonetheless, over the past few weeks I have become, not to toot my own horn or anything, very proficient at wasting valuable time on the internet. Valuable time, that is, which should be spent doing responsible things like studying, picking up a new hobby, or hanging out drinking with friends.

That being said, behold my list of several useless things you can do online when your looking for anything to do which is not homework.

Reading this blog.

Congratulations. You have already succeeded at finding at least one completely useless way to entertain yourself. You must have wasted a good minute just to get to this point. You are doing well my friend. With a bit more practice, you’ll be less efficient than a stoner with an X-box and a bag of donuts.

Reading other blogs, which are just as useless yet more entertaining than this one.

Indeed, there are other people out there who recognize that the internet is full of college kids, business men, and stoned high schoolers who would rather spend their time doing absolutely nothing than be forced to do productive work. These people made the following websites which help you successfully waste away your day:

• http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ – hundreds of pages of texts sent by drunk and/or hungover college students detailing the perils of an inebriated student life. Many of them are actually quite funny.

• http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ - The URL speaks for itself. Pictures of utterly hilarious creatures which can be found at all hours of the day frequenting various instances of wal-mart superstores. Lots of time wasting potential here.

• http://failblog.org/- Some people try. Some people succeed. Other people fail. Its a fact of life. Over at failblog you can waste your evening away laughing at the numerous people who fail at various endeavours.

• http://thereifixedit.com/- Waste your time here looking at images of people who did not exactly fail, but didn’t quite succeed either. ThereIFixedIt.com depicts hilarious ways people rig up quick fixes to solve their daily problems.

Typing random things into google and reading the funny suggestions

Really?

This one is only entertaining for a short period of time unless you happen to be a creative type. Nonetheless, this window into the minds of fellow googlers can provide hours of entertainment to someone with a long attention span and lots of weed. Check out a few cool ones I found:

• “should I” yields “shave my pubic hair” and “get a divorce”

• “I like” yields “to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur”

• “how can I” yields “keep from singing”

• “How can you” yields “get herpes”

• “why do i” (seems to be a jackpot) yields “ndians smell” and “fart so much” and “have green poop” and “have so much discharge” and “have no friends”

Needless to say, this could go on for ever. Try it sometime!

Find random shit on youtube

Not only is youtube super awesome because it lets you find all sorts of random stuff, like Norwegian folk songs and good comedians, youtube also has a giant community of super bored internet people who leave dumb comments for other bored internet people, such as myself, to laugh at. Here’s a quick example of some intellectual gold, dropped upon us by none other than youtube’s ProClutch22, who says:

• “alright yungdeezy whats that your hood name? don’t get pissed at me because of my spectacular ability to find flaws. go back to the crib and keep acting like a poser”

Clearly, this fourteen year old suburban white kid has a fancy for hip-hop and way too much time on his hands.

Find random shit on craigslist

When it comes to tossing time down the toilet, there is no resource as valuable as craigslist. I recently re-discovered this gold mine of inefficiency when I spent several hours trying to get them to not block my pirate crew ad. If you’re bored out of your mind, try entertaining yourself by browsing through the free crap people are trying to give away or by clicking through soul-seekers who post solicitations for love in the personals section. That being said, I think you deserve a fair warning. Any ad that has a picture attached is probably a link you do not want to click on. There is a high probability that the picture will be of some gross lonely guys dick. Lets just say I learned that the hard way. Nonetheless, there is something inherently entertaining about lonely people’s pleas for love. Maybe I’m a jerk, but I think its hilarious that the world has come to this.

Best Game Ever!

Play the octopus game

If steps 1-5 fail to keep you entertained, you can always occupy yourself with useless flash games such as the one I made. Its an awesome game where you are a fish that drinks coffee and runs away from a hungry octopus. You can read more about it here or play it at http://www.theoctopusgame.com

And, if your still bored, you could do what I did, and start your own useless blog where you write about useless stuff like wasting time on the internet. Trust me, its loads of fun. Until next time, happy clicking!